| "So what the hell do we do now?" |
[March 28, 2009 | 10:28 PM] |
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All I want is what's best for you.
I want to help you.
But I can't unless you help yourself, first.
Please, talk to me.
Don't tell me not to worry.
I love you so much.
And I can't stand seeing you hurt.
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[March 26, 2009 | 04:09 PM] |
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music |
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Won't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5 |
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"Of all the things I felt but never really shown.
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go.
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh.
It's not over tonight.
Just give me one more chance to make it right.
I may not make it through the night.
I won't go home without you."
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[March 25, 2009 | 06:45 PM] |
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music |
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Here Is Gone - Goo Goo Dolls |
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I didn't ask to be with you AND your ex girlfriend.
I need to be with someone who doesn't have a psycho ex.
I'm sorry, but nothing changes even when you say it will.
I can't do this anymore.
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| "I wanna swim away, but don't know how." |
[March 15, 2009 | 05:26 PM] |
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mood |
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indifferent |
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music |
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Into The Ocean - Blue October |
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It gets pretty hard sometimes, choosing what should come first, second, etc. in my life.. I don't want to let anyone down. But I know I will somehow, someway. I guess the main situation would be, well, people. There's some "routine" I've got going on, hanging out with certain people on certain days for certain amounts of time. It's become so consistent, even my parents have gotten the hang of who I'll be with and when.
What I'm trying to say, basically, is I need CHANGE. I either need new people, or new schedules, just SOMETHING that breaks me free from the "norm." Maybe I need new friends. Maybe I need less time with specific friends. Maybe I just need time to myself for awhile.
I wish this wasn't so complicated.
I wish it really was as easy as 1, 2, 3.
...That'd be great.
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| Did you know that everyday's the first of the rest of your life? |
[February 14, 2009 | 07:00 PM] |
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music |
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Angels On The Moon - Thriving Ivory |
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I've come to the conclusion, that I'll never forget. That should've been obvious from the start, right? Well not to me. I had this big thought in the back of my head, "One day, I'll be able to fully forget this ever happened and I'll move on perfectly fine." I didn't know it at the time, but I was just lying to myself. Maybe it was to subconciously make myself feel better. It worked, for a day or two after. And sometimes, if I'm doing really good, I'll forget about it for a good solid week.
The past month or so, it's just been getting much harder. It's usually noticable if I'm upset. But I suppose not always. Somewhere inside of me, each and everyday, I am completely torn apart. There's at least one person who tends to say something when I'm visiablly upset. Am I? Maybe. Maybe they just don't want to say anything. Or maybe they just don't notice. Or maybe I'm just getting better at hiding my emotions. I like that idea better..
I should've never snuck out. I should've never got in his car. I should've never went to his house. I should've never had sex with him. I should've never of made myself so visiablly vulnerable.. I should've said no.
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| How do I feel this good sober? |
[February 01, 2009 | 10:20 AM] |
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music |
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Beautiful - Akon |
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Last night I went out to dinner with Brittney. We were going to go to Olive Garden, but it was an hour wait and we definately were not waiting that long. So we went across the street to Chili's. We had a good time.
We met up with Brandon at Qdoba. Picked up little Andy from Sussex Bowl. Then we went to the Odyssey. DEFINITELY the second most awkward moment of my life.. But it's fine. And hopefully things get better from here on out.
Today, I'm going to Pizza Shuttle with Brittney and Brandon. And once Aj gets off work, me and Brandon are going over there to watch the superbowl.
I had a really good weekend. And I'm really happy.
:)
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[January 31, 2009 | 01:47 PM] |
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music |
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Crack A Bottle - Eminem ft. Dr. Dre & 50 Cent |
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Last night was movie night with Brandon, Aj and Brittney. It was a really good time, even though Aj and Brittney were being bitches half the time ha. We watched Step Brothers, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Superbad. We actually have like 7 movies we planned on watching. But after 3 in a row, it got pretty tiring and I was exhausted hah.
Today I'm hanging out with Brandon. :) We're going with Aj to buy a backpack, because I guess he wants to try in school this semester? Which is good. I'm proud of him. If he fucks up, I'll just have to, well, beat his ass.
Tomorrow is the superbowl. I think me, Aj and Brandon might be going to Aj's to watch it? I'm not sure.
I spend all of my time with Aj and Brandon, and occasionally Brittney. And you know what? I'm perfectly fine with that. I don't care that I don't have that many "close friends" anymore. I have who I need. I have who makes me happy. And that's all that I care about. :)
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[January 30, 2009 | 06:35 AM] |
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music |
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Awake - Secondhand Serenade |
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Seriously?
Did last night really happen that way?
Movie night with Brandon and AJ tonight.
Pretty excited, been looking forward to this all week.
:)
I'm happy.
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